Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
