Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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