I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
