you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
