fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
