Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
