hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
