It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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