Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
