I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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