It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
