and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun