remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Four minutes until I can fart!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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