I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
