I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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