I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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