News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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