Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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