He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
