I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
