Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
