Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
