Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
