Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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