Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
