Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
