I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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