you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
