So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
