upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.