1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am