it glows. i had to have it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.