forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.