I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Come on in and take your pants off
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
