we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
