I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
