the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
