upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
