Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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