its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Damn victory sex feels great
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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