I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
