walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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