I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
