# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They took my balls.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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