i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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