i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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