Already got asked if we're dating
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
