your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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