People in love make me want to vomit
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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