How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
