on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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