she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
