Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
