YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
