I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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