I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
