i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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