i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
