Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
