just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they're like a gay fantastic four
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
