You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
