This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
