I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
