so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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