Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
