when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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