i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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