Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
