Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
