hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
