Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
