I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
