I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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