When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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